Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
