It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
