Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
