Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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