AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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