Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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