Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
