Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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