Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
