so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
