i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
