matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
