i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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