oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
