you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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