erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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