the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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