I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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