I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
