WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I love you. Go after that dick
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
