i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
