I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
