There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
