i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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