In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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