Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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