if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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