you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
