Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
