a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Brb crying the tears of my youth
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
