My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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