i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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