i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
