the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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