Your mouth is God's brothel.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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