So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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