You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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