She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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