For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
