I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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