And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
