im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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