His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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