Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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