1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
