Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
