Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
