we have pet lesbian snakes
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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