bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
