I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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