I never want to see another naked old woman again.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize