On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
